


The Months Between Healing

by ZequoiaRose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: How Do I Tag, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, good enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZequoiaRose/pseuds/ZequoiaRose
Summary: Three months after Sam jumps into the pit, Dean is finally starting to heal. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.“ Dean might be dying now.(...) Death would be so welcome, everything he wanted.(...) Right now he feels like he’s dying, and the relief hits him fast and cold.”
Relationships: Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 18





	The Months Between Healing

It has been three months. Three months since the day Lucifer took his brother. Three months since the day everything he had ever worked for got ripped away. Three months since the day he had to teach himself how to breathe without Sammy. 

Dean is getting better, he is, but some days he still feels the weight in his chest and he can’t breathe. But today has been good. He got up with Ben, made waffles with him for Lisa, and now he’s with Baby. Lisa and Ben are in the house: Ben doing homework, and Lisa probably making sure he does do the homework. 

His car has been needing a little TLC since everything had happened, but Dean couldn’t bring himself to do it. Ridiculous really. His first love and he can’t even look at her. Until today, that is. 

He’s been under the engine for the better part of an hour, cursing his way through his little check up. He finally gets to sit up to survey his work when his eye catches it. The flash of green through the windows that leave him gasping. Sammy had been so young, so innocent, when he had jammed the army man into the door. Oh god, Sammy. Sammy who is not beside Dean, who is not even so little anymore, Sammy who he couldn’t save. 

Dean’s knees give out, making him fall to the ground as he struggles to get air in his lungs. His Sammy is gone and he couldn’t stop it. How could he have let him go? His one job was to protect his little brother and he failed. Again. 

Dean might be dying now. His chest hurts and there’s no air. Death would be so welcome, everything he wanted. If it wasn’t for that stupid promise he had made to Sam... But right now? Right now he feels like he’s dying, and the relief hits him fast and cold. 

———

Lisa is grinning as she washes the dishes and listens to Ben’s latest excuse as to why he can’t do his homework. Shaking her head, but letting him ramble for a bit. She glances out the window where she has been watching Dean working on the car she now calls “the mistress” in her head, frowning as she notices he’s not under the car anymore, but beside it instead. He is on his knees, gripping the car like it’s the only thing keeping him up. It takes a moment for the panic on Dean’s face to click, but when it does she drops the dish she’s holding, vaguely hearing it break, and races out the door, hearing a confused “Mom!” behind her. 

Dean is hyperventilating and sinking lower into the ground. She rushes over and grabs his shoulders to keep him up. “Dean! Dean, what’s going on?” She realizes that it’s a stupid question. He’s having a panic attack, and If she had to guess, she would say that it’s something to do with what happened before he showed up on her doorstep. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” she embraces him tight allowing him to bury his face in her neck and grip her tightly. “Shh. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, Dean. You’re okay. You just need to breathe.” The desperate sound that comes from Dean make her eyes fill. She needs to do something. 

She pulls away, grabbing Dean’s face, trying to get him to focus. “Dean, slow down. Look at me.” Nothing. “Come on, Dean.” He’s shaking, falling apart in her arms, and she doesn’t know how to help him. Desperation is hitting her hard and she finds herself screaming, “Look at me!” 

But it works. His eyes focus on her. “Good. Okay, good. Now watch me. Watch how I’m breathing, Dean. Try and breathe with me.” He shakes his head, and she growls, “Yes, Dean. You need to try. Please. Try for me okay?”

Dean closes his eyes, but nods quickly. He now watches as her chest rises and falls, trying and failing to match it. “Lis, I can’t,” he gasps out. “I can’t. Please.”

Lisa makes her voice hard, knowing that he needs the command right now. “Yes you can. Try again “

His shoulders sag as he watches her again, trying to mimic the rhythm. It takes what feels like an hour for his breathing to slow down to a more comforting speed. Still, Lisa stays silent, letting Dean have a moment to collect himself before speaking. 

“You know, if you wanted to look at my boobs, there’s easier ways,” she jokes lightly. Dean chokes out a laugh that turns into a sob. He loosens his grip and moves back to cover his face, but he’s not fast enough to hide the tears from Lisa. She stays quiet, though, willing to let Dean compose himself; knowing that if she helped, he’d only hole up more. So she lets him have his moment to put his manly face back on. 

He lowers his hands, and the adrenaline must leave his system because he looks so tired, so exhausted. 

“Let’s go inside, okay, Dean? Ben has been dying to watch a movie all day,” Lisa tells him, already helping him to his feet. “He’s been begging for a break from his homework since he started it. He’s going to be ecstatic.” Dean grins a bit, letting her lead him to where Ben is waiting for them at the door, fear in his eyes. “Ben-Ben, want to get that movie that you’ve been talking about set up?” Lisa asks him, hoping to avoid the questions. It works. Her son’s eyes light up and he races off. And as they all huddle on the couch to watch, if Ben glues himself to Dean’s side, Lisa doesn’t mention it. Everything is back to how it should be for a moment, and that’s all she wants. She smiles softly at the pair and reaches up to gently kiss Dean’s cheek before cuddling into his other side, ready to probably fall asleep to whatever Ben has put on.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading, beautiful people! Comments and kudos make my day!


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